Self-care redefined

Hands up if you equate self-care with getting a mani/pedi, going for a massage, having a bubble bath or taking yourself on a massive shopping spree? I know in the past this is how I would have defined it. And for everyone self-care can and will take on different meanings because it is very personal and no judgment about what you consider to be self-care. However over the past few years I have come to learn and understand the value of true self-care for myself.

For me the most important realization I came to around self-care is that it is NOT selfish. I know a lot of moms, myself included have so much guilt around taking time for ourselves, especially before meeting the needs of our family. However, I liken it to filling up my tank first because who would venture on a road trip with an empty tank of gas? This may seem like an extreme comparison yet our busy days can often feel as exhausting as a road trip and all the more reason to take the time to adequately prepare for whatever adventure the day has in store for us. In which scenario are you more likely to have patience with your kids for getting out the door during the morning rush? The one where you literally roll out of bed as one of your kids is shaking you awake to make breakfast and you basically sleepwalk through all that needs to be done to get out the door? Or the one where you take even 5 minutes to wake up to your alarm, take a few deep breaths and set your intentions for the day, have your favourite morning drink and THEN face the day. Again how long you need to prepare for your day and what activities you choose to incorporate during this time is completely personal. However the message that I hope to convey is that taking this time is not selfish and trust me, it will benefit not only you but the rest of your family in the long run.

I also now think of self-care as setting boundaries around who I spend time with and how I spend my time in general. We only have a limited amount of hours in the day and we are entitled to choose to spend this time in a way that serves us best physically and mentally. If there are people in your life who drain your energy, it is an act of self-care to determine what your parameters are around spending time with them. And again, it is not a selfish act but rather a self-compassionate one. Furthermore, how we structure our days should also always have our own best interests in mind. As busy moms who also are possibly working moms, there are certain tasks that we can’t eliminate from our days, however we can make decisions to make our days more manageable. If your most dreaded task is getting out to the grocery store, can you start to use a grocery delivery service or even a Click and Collect one to reduce some of the time spent on this activity? Or if the endless piles of laundry are stressing you out, can you enlist help from your kids? Even a toddler can help with aspects of this activity such as sorting the darks and whites. I know I am guilty of not passing off enough responsibilities to my kids who are definitely capable of handling them.

It is common for us to wear our “I am so busy” hats as a badge of honour but trust me, there is no prize for being the busiest, and likely then the most stressed out person in the room. Fitting in self-care isn’t adding more to the to-do list but rather better preparing you to handle the list and slotting in crucial time to tune into your physical and mental needs in the process. I invite you to take some time to explore what self-care practices speak to you the most and not only help you to better manage your day, but also bring you pleasure and fun. We can all use a little more light and carefree joy in our lives.