Looking for the silver lining...

Fear, anxiety, grief, boredom, sadness, monotony...I am sure these are just some of the emotions coming to mind that we have all felt over the past few weeks. I try to flood my social media accounts with those who have added gratitude, joy, calm, self-compassion, connection and other silver lining emotions to this list.

The harsh truth is that this sucks...countless lives are being lost, amazing front line workers are putting their lives at risk to serve and protect, we don't know what tomorrow will bring and in the midst of it all, we are waking up daily to what I describe as Groundhog Day meets Twilight Zone. But during this time I wanted to point out the irony in our thoughts and how we tend to gravitate towards always wanting the opposite of what we have at any given moment. 

The most obvious one is TIME. Pre COVID-19, I can guess that the vast majority of us were putting off projects, things around the house, taking care of our health and self-care activities in the name of not having enough time. And now ALL we have is time and we are complaining that we are bored. We are probably all just trying to get through the day so we can get one step closer to the end of this nightmare. But I challenge you to try to see all of the time now as a gift...I recognize that some days will be more of a struggle than others where we are in fact just trying to keep our heads above water. But on those days where you are feeling well emotionally, how can you use this new found time to your advantage? I know for me personally I am loving being able to move my body every day with no excuses and getting more consistent with grounding rituals like meditation, yoga and journaling that I otherwise always put off. This time period reminds me of having newborns and especially my third son...when he was born I knew how trying the first few months would be and I literally wanted to press fast forward to month 3. However looking back, I barely remember any of those early days and I now wish I spent more time enjoying the good moments amidst the stressful ones.

Many of us are also struggling with concepts around work. Prior to this most people probably wished they could work less and spend more time with their families. And now many people would likely do anything to have that job security back as so many jobs are being cut and family finances are being drastically reduced. While my husband is super stressed during the work day (working from home of course), he says when this is all said and done, he will miss all of this extra time that he has been spending with the kids. With a 15 year old son literally forced to spend time with us, these are definitely moments that we will never get back when he would otherwise be choosing to be with his friends over us any day of the week. I look at people in my social media feed with young children and I feel for them as those age groups are definitely more demanding in many ways than the ages of my kids. That being said, because they are so reliant on their parents, I think it is beautiful that amidst this traumatic time, they are likely building memories that their kids will never forget.

My last point is tied into time but I know prior to this many of us complained about our kids busy sports schedules...I will definitely put my hand up admitting that I was one of them. With 3 hockey playing boys, I often felt like a chauffeur and a chicken with my head cut off at times trying to get meals made and everyone shuttled to where they needed to be on time. Most conversations in our home centered around how the kids games were, upcoming schedules, and on and on. And now there are no activities to get to and I would be lying if I said I didn't miss it. I miss watching my kids playing the sport they love. I miss the camaraderie amongst the parents even if we often were commiserating on how busy all of our schedule were. My reframe for this is to try to appreciate this time because when this does finally end, the hockey will return at the same pace. And while my Friday nights from September to February were spent at the rink (often with a pre-game glass of wine at the bar), we have moved the bar to Zoom calls. Bonus, we can still enjoy our wine together. 

These times are unprecedented. There is no manual for how to get through it and no end date and I know this uncertainty only increases anxiety across the board. But I do encourage you to try to make the most of the days because when this is all said and done we won't want to look back and remember wishing each day away. This is still our life and each day and moment is precious. And when the fear, anxiety, grief and sadness come flooding in, allow them to and feel it all because we are human and will keep feeling the range of emotions day to day and even moment to moment. Capitalize on the parts of your day where you have more energy to focus on the positive and adding in some joy. And most of all, be gentle with yourself and your loved ones. We are all doing our best and taking it day by day which is all we can do right now. Stay safe, sane and healthy.