I see you...I am you

It’s Monday morning; a new day and week, a fresh start. You wake up telling yourself “today I am going to be good”. Maybe you found a new diet or program that is finally going to be the magical solution that you have been searching for the past few years. You have a running list of all the things you are not going to allow yourself to eat as of today for the rest of time or until you hit that random number on the scale. No sugar or treats, no carbs (maybe not even a banana or a carrot), no alcohol and on and on…let’s be honest, you may actually choose to only eat salad forever. Maybe you make it through the day or even a few days…you feel so proud of yourself for finally sticking to something “perfectly” because your value in life is determined by your ability to follow a program and what that instrument on your bathroom floor tells you. And then eventually this new light in you starts to flicker and dim, and finally turn off altogether. You have a night out with friends and think you can maybe have a little piece of bread with your salad because after all, you have been sooooo “good” all week. But then you get home and literally tear apart your entire pantry while you inhale everything and anything that has been off limits since Monday. And you figure if you already messed up this time, why not get in all of those “forbidden” foods until the next Monday when you can start all over again. The last supper is in full effect and you go to bed Sunday night feeling all the feels; shame, guilt, frustration, disappointment with yourself and physically like a beached whale. As the next day unfolds, the whole cycle begins again.

Can you relate? Has this pattern played out in your life? I know that it has in mine and I am here to tell you that it will NEVER WORK for so many different reasons. Firstly, as soon as you tell your brain that it is not “allowed” to have certain foods, your body goes into a state of stress and will release cortisol and insulin causing you to hold on to that fat that you are desperate to release. Instead of relying on arbitrary diet rules and external parameters, you need to take a step back and learn to hear and understand what your internal world is trying to tell you. It’s quite possible that having the chocolate bar isn’t the best choice in the moment but not because it is an indulgence and “bad” for you, but because it leaves you feeling sluggish and tired and you have a busy day ahead of you that you would rather face in an energetic state. Maybe Saturday rolls around and you get some precious one on one time with one of your kids and they want to go to Yogurty’s. In your diet days you would never fathom joining them with ice cream but in this moment, why is it wrong to have pleasure from both the snack and time with your child totally guilt free?

Secondly please stop defining your worth as a person based on what you eat and what the scale is telling you. If you legitimately believe that you are a BAD person because you ate a bag of chips, we need to take a deeper look at this. Who you are as a person has nothing to do with overindulging especially when every human does this at some point in their life. Leave the judgment at the door as it brings nothing to the table. Instead approach the situation with curiosity. What led you to eating the bag of chips? Were you numbing out and trying to avoid feeling? Did you not eat enough for breakfast and your body is legitimately starving and is unlikely to crave salad and fruit in this starved state? Have you been on a “diet” for a long period of time and your body is tired of being in this constant state of fight or flight? These are much more likely explanations and I invite you to explore them next time instead of writing off your value as a human.

I totally get the desire to want to change how you look and to feel more comfortable in your own skin. However after tons of programs, diets, and self-exploration, I have learned that berating yourself in the process will only take you further away from your goals or keep you stuck in this never ending cycle. Focusing on an arbitrary number or how you can’t enjoy any part of life until you lose X amount of pounds is not the answer either. Let’s look deeper into your why; why losing this weight is so important to you and why your efforts to date have not been successful. Trust me, there is so much more behind this cycle and I would love to help you unpack it.