Learning how to feel to heal

I recently started a new job at a paediatric Occupational Therapy clinic - an area that I have been out of practice from for almost 20 years. Although let’s be real, being a mom for the past 18 plus years has definitely provided me with consistent real time experiential learning.

One of the first tools that I started to learn more about using with clients is Zones of Regulation. I vaguely remember this being shown to one of my boys in an early grade to help mange his behaviour in the classroom. It is a framework that is used to help children develop an awareness of their feelings, energy and alertness levels. It also explores various tools and strategies for regulation, self-care, and overall wellness. There are four different colour zones that children can use to describe how they are feeling in the moment. Based on the colour they identify with, appropriate accommodations can be made or activities provided to work with HOW they are feeling instead of AGAINST it. For example, if a child is in the red zone and feeling extremely angry, it is a good cue that he/she might need to be provided with an appropriate space to let out this anger (perhaps a room alone where it is ok to scream and feel in to the emotion).

As soon as I read about the Zones, I immediately saw how this tool would have been so valuable for our generation. And how it relates to the work I do with women who turn to food to numb and escape feeling, or when they are not even aware of what they are feeling but just feel uncomfortable and unsafe in their bodies and find themselves in the pantry. It is completely logical that this is where our vices are born - whether it be alcohol, drugs, shopping addiction, gambling, and food issues. We were never asked by the adults around us how we were feeling and rather there was pressure to HAVE to be feeling certain emotions in certain environments. For example, at school the expectation was to always feel focused and attentive. Sadly that negates the true continuum of the human experience and the fact that many different emotions can surface at once and cannot be controlled.

Furthermore, when certain emotions arise, it is common for those around us to try to “stop” them in their own way. And I have been guilty of doing this too. How many times as a parent has your child been hurt and the immediate response is “you’re ok” instead of “I know that hurts, I know you are sad, I am here”. The first response will likely have them feeling that it isn’t ok to be crying or upset. Or they come home from a bad day at school and are sad so you take them for ice cream. Again ignoring the sadness and suggesting that once the ice cream is given, the sadness should be gone. It is no wonder then as adults when a tough day happens, we head straight to the pantry, or Dairy Queen.

The other piece of Zones of Regulation that I love is that no zone is considered BAD. Whether you are raging mad in the red zone or exhausted and slow in the blue zone. Again, in mainstream society emotions are often judged and we are encouraged to show up only when we are feeling “positive” emotions. When in reality, it is important to feel the full spectrum of emotions without judgment.

I am excited to apply this work further in my area of practice - both with kids and to help women heal their relationship with food. I truly believe that “you have to feel it to heal it” but first you need to learn HOW to feel, or else you will always find yourself looking for answers in the pantry, the fridge. or the drive-thru.